When Life Deals You Scraps….
We were so happy to be able to spend our Easter long weekend at home. We spent time with family, ate delicious food, caught up with some friends, and pottered in the garden. Easter is a reflective time for me, and this year even more so, as my Nan’s birthday fell on Easter Saturday. It has been 19 months since I last saw her just before she passed away. I have been thinking about my Nan quite a bit, as I have been working on a patchwork quilt for my soon-to-be born niece or nephew. As I have cut out squares of material, designed the pattern, and sewn the squares together, I have thought about my Nan and the quilts I inherited from her. My Nan used to make exquisite quilts, and I was lucky enough to receive one growing up, and another later as a wedding gift. I always loved and appreciated her work, and the time and effort that was put into the quilts she made, but now that she is no longer here, they mean so much more to me. They are a part of her that will always be with me, and something I can pass on to my children or grandchildren in her loving memory.
If you have ever seen a patchwork quilt, it is usually made up of small pieces of material of different patterns and colours which are sewn together. Sometimes, when you look at the individual materials or scraps, they are nothing special, and don’t always make sense individually. However, when they are put with combinations of other materials, you see the bigger picture of how it creates a beautiful masterpiece. My Nan also made me a quilted wall hanging when I was younger which read, ‘When life deals you scarps, make a quilt!’ This has been ringing true with me over the past few weeks. As I look back over the past two years, life has dealt us some pretty ugly and harsh scraps! It has been hard to make sense of things, and I have felt lost and completely out of my depth a lot of the time. Throughout it all, it has always been my challenge to try and focus on the positive aspects of my life, so I don’t get completely bogged down. You can’t always change what you are thrown in life, and it’s not until you are through a situation and can add it into the quilt of our life that you can see how each scrap helps to make up the quilt. It’s not always easy, but I have been encouraged thinking about this saying to try and find the beauty amongst the mess, to cling to the beautiful moments that happen throughout the day, however insignificant they may seem.
The past few weeks it has been a lot easier to see the beauty and positives. Evie has completed two cycles of chemo and will begin cycle three next week. Following next cycle she will have two weeks off and then she will have scans, which will determine what happens next. She has coped amazingly well, barely showing any signs of side effects or being ill with the disease itself. Her hair is very gradually thinning and falling out, but other than that, she has been fantastic! There have been no temperatures to land us in hospital, and she has been so happy, well, content and delightful that it is very easy to forget about the relapse and the fact that she is currently having treatment.While my life is not perfect I have been able to enjoy our time at home, watching my girls play, dance, and spend time together. I have been able to participate in school events with Alicia and help with her class reading groups. I have relished snuggles with Evie, reading books on the lounge, or watching her play with her toys. And yet I am still in this strange and confronting world of treatment and scans. We still wonder whether the drugs are working, and hope and pray that the next scans will show a positive response.
While I can never be certain of the future, I have what is right in front of me. I plan to try and soak it up and enjoy it. Yes, there are still hard days, and moments where it just feels plain awful to be going through this, but I will continue to try and appreciate the scraps and use them to create something beautiful.